Building Friendships That Last

By Charles F. Stanley

Are you lonely? The Lord’s desire is not only that you have a close, satisfying relationship with Him but that you also have meaningful friendships with other people.

Someone has said, “To have a friend, you must be a friend.” People who want to share life with others in a positive, encouraging way must be willing to do a few things:

• Hear another person’s secrets and keep them in confidence
• Demonstrate compassion and understanding for another person’s failures, shortcomings, and painful memories
• Be willing to let others make mistakes and to admit their own
• Remain vulnerable and transparent

Ask God to lead you into satisfying and mutually beneficial relationships guided by these principles. Say to Him, “Lord, please provide for me friends who will speak the truth and help me to live in a way that pleases You. May they be friends who will love me and receive love from me—people with whom I can share laughter and sorrow, and with whom I can converse freely.” Then look for the opportunities to build friendships that God brings your way:

• Say yes to social invitations with godly people.
• Get involved with your church and with various groups within the church. Be faithful in your attendance and participation in group functions. Get to know the people.
• Invite others to join you for lunch or after-church brunch.

As you get to know people, look for areas of common interest or mutual concern. Find ways in which you can get involved in team-based, problem-solving tasks. Feed the homeless or visit church members who are homebound. Help with the children’s choir or a group that provides assistance to missionary families.

Another way to build close friendships is to share what the Lord has done for you and how He has helped you through difficult times in the past. Your story will be an encouragement to the person who hears it, and in turn, the individual may feel more open to share something of his or her personal journey with you.

Not everybody you attempt to befriend will become a close companion. But unless you take some risks and attempt to forge relationships, you’ll never know who might become a friend.

You Must Remain Dependent on the Lord.

You might yearn for another person to be your friend, confidant, or spouse. And the Lord may, in fact, intend to answer your longing; however, it is important to regard that person as an extension of God’s presence, not as a replacement for it. We must never become so dependent on others that we rely on them emotionally to satisfy our needs, meet our desires, or fulfill us completely. No person can truly do that, no matter how wonderful or how loving he or she is.

Those who expect others to provide fulfillment will often cling to a friend or spouse. The result is typically the opposite of what is intended. Rather than draw closer, the friend or spouse pulls away—emotionally or physically—and leaves the person feeling rejected. And sometimes, when God finds one of His children relying on another human being to provide what only He can give, He brings that relationship to an end.

Once we recognize that only God can truly satisfy our loneliness, we are in a healthier position to receive the love and affection of individuals He sends into our lives. We can be involved in healthy, loving give-and-receive relationships with them.

God desires for you to have friends and, above all, to know Him as your Friend of friends. It is only the Lord who never pulls away from a relationship, backs out, or gives up on a person. He always has more to give and invites our complete, healthy dependency.

You can say with confidence, “Lord, I know You don’t want me to be lonely. I believe that You will be the total and complete satisfaction for loneliness in my life. And I trust You to fill the void that I feel. Please provide friends on this earth who are good, right, and pleasing to You.”

When you trust in the Lord to be the Source of your joy and deep need for companionship, you’ll discover the ability to have healthy friendships. Such companionship is the end of loneliness.  

Adapted from “The Source of My Strength,” by Charles F. Stanley, 1994, pp.18-26.

Related Links

Being a Friend of God (Loneliness, Part 1)
Bible Study: Escaping loneliness begins with a meaningful connection to your Creator. Learn more in this study. Read more.

The Cure for Loneliness
People try to overcome loneliness in a variety of ways, but what's God's method?
Dr. Stanley has the answer. Read more.